Blog Entry
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
tt sunday nite, an unforgettable one...
dear i miss u so much... the anger in my heart has appease already, toking to you on the phone on sunday nite really hurts me... i being angry wif u and u said the wrong tinks without asking me... i mean i was really hurt at tt time, i feel so wad u noe. this is actually a secret between the both of us, a secret is a secret and this mean only the both of us... but u broke this trust and told ur frens... u ask me why dun i scold u... i told i got nothin to say, at tt point of time i jus couldn't noe wad to to say to you. not sure is it angry, disappointed or sad, i am not sure at tt time, but sometink is sure tt i am really fuming tt nite... tt 's why my attitude tt day was really bad, my attitude towards u was terrible too... now reviewing back i tink i was gonna say tt u nv spare a tot for my feelings, u didn't tot of tt i maybe embarrassed noe... really angry at tt moment wen u say tt in conference tt nite wif ur fren. i was shocked and den u still cn chat happily and den leaving me there keeping quiet in one corner...
tt sun nite i noe i couldn't continue on so i say "if u dun put down the phone, i will!" den i put the phone down, and i kept quiet tinking thru and my tears couldn't control anymore and they start rolling down... it kept rolling down non stop and my heart is aching at the same time, the ache in my heart is so strong tt i dun noe wad to do but jus to cry... den i cried too much i till fell asleep...
At abt 4 am u called me, i heard u crying, my heart started to ache again. this time is not cos i am angry but is cos i heard u crying so sadly... my tears came rolling again.. u told me u blog from 3 to 4am but the internet explorer crashed and all ur efforts are gone, i noe u must feeling realy terrible... all the words and tots to me are gone... i noe how u feel but i dun noe how cn i help u... u told me u wrote a lot of feelings in tt post and all is gone... u also said u blog as u cried, at tt particular moment i felt so fortunate and touched, fortunate tt my first bf love me so much and touched tt u cried for me... dun tink u are useless i tell u are not! i tell u are the best and the one and only tt will do tt for me! this is the truth.
then suddenly ur words brought me from heaven to hell... u said "i bring colours into ur world of black and white, den now u brought the colours out of my life" i was shocked at this statement, pain enough to hurt both me and u... den u still continue on by saying, "tot u are the one nicest to me, but the last tink u say to me on the previous conversation " if u dun put down the oh i will!" really hurt me" i cn also tell u at tt time wen u said all this i was as hurt as u are... wad makes u tink the words tt u say to me didn't hurt me... i was equally hurt as u are... den i could still i said i didn't wan to meet u on mon, cos i need time to tink over. i mean i was jus tinking only wad... doesn't mean i will honour it rite... den ur sms to me really so sad noe, asking for my forgivness, i mean yes no matter wad i will stil forgive u wan... "Breaking Up" has never appeared in my mind, u said u are prepared for it, i mean prepare wad? there is nothing for u to prepare cos i nv tot of breaking up... i still love u as ever and this will nv change, even till the end of the time! so no worries!
Till yesterday, u ask me whether u wan wanna meet for lunch, i said ok.. den in the morning i met caroline, she asked me wad i looked so sad den i told my prob wif u. as the form of respect i nv told her anytink i jus told her tt i was really angry wif. den after lesson went to FJ, tok to lynette, again my tears couldn't control again and i started tearing. si yan came back wif her food and ask me if i am alright... to Si yan "thanks for the concern!" went for a walk wif lynette and i asked her if i should forgive u, den i tot thru the tinks tt we went thru and wad u did for me, i mean if u dun love me so much, u will not bother to wait for 6 hours and cry for me too... i mean yes i am touched!
so i decided to forgive, had an heartfelt tok wif u and den i am not angry anymore. really tt is the truth! jus wanna tell u "there should be no more again ok! one more time and i tink i will be more cruel den this ok!" (* cos i noe u wont!*) as for ur frens i will see how tinks goes by ok... let nature takes it course!
To my dear lao gong!
u said all your efforts are gone den me now at the internet and web lesson blogging, to help u back with the 300 sentences of tt u wrote to me... this one is for u! I LOVE U DEAR NO MATTER WAD AND THIS WILL NV CHANGE, U TOK TO ME ABT OUR FUTURE HSE AND I CN SEE TT TOO! DEAR I NOE WE MAY HAF QUARRELS IN THE FUTURE, BUT I BELIEVE TT WE CN RESOLVE ALL THIS IN NO TIME! I HAVE FAITH IN THE BOTH OF US OK! dear this is the longest blog i haf ever blog and i hope tt this will kind of help u in the blog tt u couldn't blog on sun ok! take care dear and rember to sleep well ok! hope tt wen u read this blog u cn feel the way i feel! I LOVE U DEAR LAO GONG!
posted by zt&jes @
1:13 AM
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