Blog Entry
Thursday, March 01, 2007
i need some time alone....
dear, my frens suddenly seems like a stranger to me. nothing seems rite suddenly, i jus do not fit in today.
i started asking myself
"is it really sunshine after rain??"
"is it really over wen the darkest moment has passed??"
"is it really time for me to be happy??"
these few qns started appearing in my mind, i am so engrossed in it tt i even forget to do my tinks. it links to the rain these few days, it was raining in the morning, den in the late afternoon it stopped. at 5pm it started raining again, jus wen i tot it would be sunshine after tt. it jus explains my feelings for the past 1 week. i started doubting myself, i wonder am i crazy or wad?? i haf no idea.
the other day i was looking thru at the posts in my blog, i wonder the posts are mainly happy or unhappy. i jus could not find the ans. this blog may not be really active cos i do not blog frequently. to me i jus blog as and wen i like, so the posts may be jus 70 odds posts. i tried looking thru it and tired to recall all tt is in the each posts.
for today, everytink jus does not seems rite. it did not started well in the morning, jus wen i tot all would be well, another tink jus popped up. i dun noe wad to say. frankly speaking i tried running away frm it hoping tt nothing has happen, however it does not appear to be in my way. after all the tinks tt had happened, i do not haf the urge of telling my close frens wad had happened to me. i could not explain to them wad is wrong wif me, cos me myself oso dun noe wad is it. i wanted to tell dear, bt i do not haf the courage cos i am afraid of repeating history. the same process jus goes on, tell dear my prob, he do not bother or not listening or he will say "u tink too much already", he feels guilty, quarrel, den say the truth, lastly patch. i am not sure of hw many times we haf been goin thru these. so now i started wondering if i shld share wif him my probs and let him console me, or shld i jus speak to someone who is more mature den me.
this blog seems to be jus like my own blog now, it was initially created for the both of us. now i tink it is more of MY blog already. i doubt i will tell dear later on the phone, cos i haf no courage of goin thru the same process already. i am scared... maybe one day he will read this post and find out himself. i hope so. pls give the strength to be happy and may nothing come into my mind. i wanna enjoy myself at BSU...
posted by zt&jes @
9:56 PM
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