Blog Entry
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
now is 12.54pm and i am now at my dear's hse, u must surprise cos my dad actually let me stay at dear's hse for 3 days hehe.... i will only go hme on wed... hehe i am so happy la. jus woke up not long ago la. dear's mum bought me vegetarian mi fen and mee, actually i noe after all tt has happen me and dear cn still be so happy i am really happy abt tt. it is like, even though his fren dun like me, even said bad tinks abt, dear still stood beside me and even kind of like "scold" his fren.
ytd me and dear had a tok and we tok abt this fren of his, and in the previous post i named him as jj. so tt's him, i mean finally understood wad happen to him and why is he such a person. this one is cant blame wan, it is his surrounding tt turned him into like tt. i still kind of pity him, feeling sorry for him. okok will end my post here la... hehe tt's all!!!
posted by zt&jes @
5:00 AM
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Monday, March 20, 2006
am i such a letdown, why does it seems tt everytink tt i do is jus not so rite... i mean it is like i am doin my best to make the people around me to be happy yet it jus does not seems they way i wan. dear's fren, jj seems to haf some misunderstanding wif me and we seems to haf a bad impression abt each other. i really hate this kind of tinks, worst still this is dear's fren. who noe in future i may still see him, as he is dear's neighbour and we may haf a chance to meet. i told caro, finally had a chance to tok to her, i told her everytink she gave me some suggestions or advice which i tink it is rite. she told me not to tink abt it anymore and jus dun bother his frens. now frm wad i noe is tt his frens misunderstood me and it now it seems tt they all dislike me, this situation seems so fimiliar, this is jus like wad my cousin in aust is facing too. the only difference is tt we are facing different pple and prob.
i understand tt being in a relationship there will be times whr couples might quarrel becos of frens. wen this prob pops up, the couple will start to feel the stress, cos u wouldn't noe wad to do, wen ur closest fren start to dislike ur gf/bf. this is the most terrible tink, the worst tink is tt if they misunderstood ur gf/bf u will start to haf headache, and so it will come a time whr u and bf/gf might haf to settle this prob. but wen u noe tt there is no solution to this prob, u will feel even more lost, this is the kind of feeling i am goin thru now. i am at a totally lost now. even though i noe tt putting up in this blog dear's jj fren might not get to see it, i will still say it.
to this jj fren of dear's, " i did not "diao" u, tt day, it was jus happen tt i lift up my head and i saw u there. frankly speaking i do not like pple looking at me wen i am eating, so i looked up to see. cos i noe i do not wanna see u eye to eye, so after taking a look at u, i quickly looked down, so frm tt time u probably tink tt i "diao" u. in fact i did not, i was merely looking at u not "diao" u. pls get this rite." the next tink is for the chalet, "tt day was true enough my result day and is it obivious tt i wanted dear to accompany, actually i was still pondering whether shld i let dear go ant. it was almost at a decision tt i shld let him go, until i had family problems, i was crying at tt pt of time. and it is only after my dad scolded me tt i asked dear to accompany me. this is the truth, u cn ask dear to clarify this whole tink. dear not being able to go for u and denny's birthday chalet, i felt really sorry and guilty there is nothing i cn do. i cn understand u all for being angry wif dear, all i cn do here is to help dear and me to explain the whole tink. if it is not for this whole tink to happen i probably tink we will not haf such misunderstanding. i sincerely apologise here!"
to dear, " i am so sorry for all tt has happen, the only 2 solutions tt we came out wif is to either break up or not to bother, the one tt both me and chosen is not to bother, since we haf chosen this i will respect it. and i will abide to our decision not to bother, but there is one tink i haf to say is tt u cant stop me frm tinking, there is no choice tt i will not stop tinking, in fact this tink will continue to be in my mind. it will only disappear wen we finally solve this prob, it is only wen i haf the chance to sit down to tok to jj and clarify all the misunderstanding. we cn only hope for this day to come and pray tt all will go well. dear i noe u still care alot for me, if not u will not do so much for me. i noe and cn see tt all u haf done for me. i really haf no wish to break up wif u.. cos i still love u so much, we all cn feel the strong love for each other, so i really dun wanna walk to the route of "breaking up" so pls let us work together to overcome and settle this prob. i will patiently wait for the day to clear all misunderstandings between me and ur fren. and by tt time we will definitely be truly happy and relieved."
posted by zt&jes @
4:28 PM
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Friday, March 17, 2006
well well all is not well, all i cn say is tt mi and dear is now in a mess. we are messed wif our feelings, our probs and many many more. although getting results is a happy day for me, however this joy is such a short one, there will always be unhappiness coming along. me and dear hasen't been goin well for the past few weeks, in fact it is getting worse, i am not sure of the future ahead for us bt all tt i noe now is tt i really wanna clear the misunderstanding btw us. i love my dear so much and i wan him to be happy, i am not sure if he is still happy wif me ant, bt i noe tt i am happy wif him. actually frm the start i said all i wan him to do is to pei me wen i am at really bad times.
for eg, wen i quarrel wif my dad, i tink it was nt a gd experience for the both, i tink neither both of us wanna to go thru this kind of tink again. during the genting trip, frankly speaking i was really really happy! for the first time i am going on a holiday wif dear. he asked me b4 we went for the trip whether am i still excited for the trip, i rember tt my ans was ok. but in fact i was REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS TRIP!! i jus did not tell dear abt cos we were nt on gd terms at tt pt of time. dear probably tinks tt blogging is a tedious tink, however if this is our blog, at least he might blog it once or twice. i cn say for the past 6 mnths he has not blog until today tt he finally blog. shld i be happy??
i am not sure, to me blogging is a way for me to release stress, cos this is whr i cn express how i feel towards tinks, my love for dear and all tt. but i dun understand why dear see this as a chore?? is it so difficult to blog?? he cn spend so many hours playin maple on the internet yet he cant even take a few mins to blog or sometink. he is rite i dun expect him blogging everyday or wad, wad i wan is like saying a few words in our blog for like once in 2 mths, if he cn really do tt i will be so pleased. i noe tt dear has done many tinks for and i cn see it. everytink is all in my heart and i noe it.
i do not noe since wen i dislike toking abt my probs, i am sick and tired of facing this kind of probs, wen dear ask me to say i told him i really gt nothing to say, for this i meant it. so far all tt i have gone thru is too pain for me to say it once again, and go thru it again in my mind.. i hate tinking of all the suffering times and i dun wan to rember it anymore. all i wanna do now is to enjoy the times wif my dear and be happy all tt i cn.
posted by zt&jes @
2:43 AM
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short blog...dar n i juz put dwn the fone...dar sae tt my previous post muz b v slipshod....tt i din put ani feelin inside...n the best tink is she haven looked @ it...well gt nutin to sae....den since i m bloggin 2dae so i tot mite as well juz blog again....juz nw i died for the upteen tym in maple...duno y juz feel lyk dying is so common to mi...guess i m tired ba...lyk wad i said in the previos post...
dar n i argued abt mi plaein maple...duno wad to comment on it....dar wan to help mi plae....i din fullfill promise to help dar lvl to 30...oso i said that my character is useless juz lyk mi...bt dar gt angry n sae she din sae i was useless is i sae de...wich i din deny coz realli she din sae....bt if u noe 1/2 the tink i noe u'll noe hw useless i m....hmm...mayb i shldnt sae i m useless juz tt i m nt of much use oni...alot of tinks piled up inside my head...bt i din get a headache....on the contrary dar did...n she gt more n more upset...n the headache bcom worse....
she said she wasnt feelin so well the whole dae, well i din notice anitink wrong wif her...guess i still dun understand dar as much as i tink i do ba...short post so i will end here....
posted by zt&jes @
2:42 AM
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dar is tellin mi tt she is gonna delete tiz blog...so i guess tiz will b my last post...i dun lyk to blog coz i juz dun...dar is upset bcoz of tiz so i guess there is no point in keepin tiz blog...wad does a blog haf to do wif us? arguein bcoz of a blog...i c no point....i noe wen we started the blog i wun blog often de...i tot tt dar wun mind..bt she did....i duno wad to sae...
dar juz gotten her result yesterdae...3.85 if i din rmbr wrongly..i cant even score 3.5 overall even if tiz tym i get 4 pt...she gt an average of 3.65....she tot i was upset coz i cant do as well as her bt i was actualli quite happy...i rmbr the last quarrel we had...nt a v fun experience i can tell u...nw itz lyk history repeating itself...i realli duno wad more i can do le....i realli feel so tired...
tired....v tired....
malaysia trip was fun n dar bot alot of stuff...i guess dar is happy ba....nw i duno wad is dar tinkin...i had fun..thou it burn a hole in my pocket....was still happy coz i tink dar realli njoyed herself....will owaes rmbr the trip....
last post le mite as well make it long so i take my tym to sae wad i wan to sae....bt sumtinks oni i will noe....all the stuff above, i delete away sum lines le....coz dose r stuff tt oni i can noe....nt even dar can noe....alot of tinks happen during my long break frm bloggin....lyk hoi incident n wadnot bt i m juz too tired to tok abt it....juz so tired...
pple kip blog or even blogs....heck....sum pple even gt famous for bloggin....bt i juz dun c the pt....wad does it matter if mi n dar is happy 2gether n i dun blog? ebritym i blog is bcoz dar tell mi to....n wenweva i blog is bcoz i v sad den cant tell dar....blog more often = sad more often? so for mi nt bloggin is a gd tink....juz din tell dar...lyk rite nw i feel so sad tt the blog will b gone so i came to blog...
duno y bt since sum tym ago mi n dar haf nutin to tok abt on fone...we both noe it juz tt we dun wanna sae...bt i duno wad to do abt it....dar sae i duno wad a gal wans...i dun deny...well i realli duno n i m gettin too tired tryin to figure out...issit tt hard to tell mi wad u wan? wad dar owaes sae is go figure out miself....or ask pple...i duno n i dun wan...
nw dar sae nvm dun blog le....well i duno wad she wans...gals will4eva b gals n i will 4eva b mi....i duno hw to please the world and neither does the world so hw to please mi...i dun lyk to blog and will nt learn to lyk bloggin bt if tiz will make dar happy den i will blog...coz i realli duno wad i can do...same line again....i m tired....
************************************deleted/text missing(taken away by me dun ask mi wad this chunk saes bt it concerns the blog)**********************************************
i tot tt is supposed to b the case bt i was cleary wrong...well i duno wad i can do le.....
duno y bt i seems to flare up @ dar more often nwadaes...duno y...i duno y....funny sumtyms, hw pple perceive stuff...i m sad...i m tearin...i juz din cry coz dar is on the fone wif mi....mayb wen she read tiz she will b touched..n cry...n nt delete the blog...i saved the dae, or the blog so to speak, bt after sum tym dar will sae tt i dun blog n wan to delete the blog...tt tym u will c mi post again...
posted by zt&jes @
1:28 AM
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